We broke up!

Well, I had hoped that I wouldn't have to write about this, but I became single recently. It wasn't too surprising, but that really doesn't decrease how much it stings. We had been dating for two years and lived together for more than half of the relationship, and now, for the first time in a long while, I'll be living alone. It sucks, but it made me realize that breakups don't have to be acrimonious. Even though they suck, emotions run high, and it is a seriously traumatic event, people can, in the eye of that storm, find peace and forgiveness.

It's very hard, but possible. For example, my (now ex) boyfriend and I had been arguing almost all weekend. He needed to take his dog to the vet on a Saturday, and I tried to beg off because his mom was going, and I needed some alone time. I ended going, but I took my book anyway, because why not. I read all the way down, and during the visit, so he was irate with me for that. So we argued about that, then on Saturday night, he went out to the bar with some friends, and I did not (because alone time) My brother showed up at my front door, and I ended up hanging out with him. So my ex and I fought about that. Then Monday, we fought some more and broke up.

Initially, it looked like it was going to be an asshole contest, because we were both hurting and lashing out at each other, yet, as the night progressed, we started to calm down, and it got better. It still hurt, but at least we weren't trying to hurt each other more.

I stayed living at what used to be our apartment for another week, and I was worried that it would be super awkward, however, Wednesday night he came and talked to me, and it turned into a very sweet conversation. We both expressed our deep, deep sadness that it was over, and we admitted things we could have done differently. But, at the end, we still acknowledged that breaking up was the right decision, even if it does suck big donkey balls.

The rest of the time passed easily, we talked as though we were good old friends, and we laughed together. Neither one of us were ready for me to move out, but then again, I don't think that anyone can ever really be ready for something like that. So yes, it does suck, and yes, I am in a great deal of pain and I am grieving, but the fact remains that we still care and love each other. So yes, at the end of the day, I have a big ass empty bed to sleep in at night, but I am glad that we, at the end, didn't try to tear each other down or destroy each other psychologically and emotionally. I will love him for a long time, but I look forward to the day when we can welcome each other back into our lives as friends. So, I've got to jet. Stay humble, don't stumble, and I'll see you again soon.