This weekend had it's highs and lows. And not normal highs and lows, more like Everest and Death Valley highs and lows. Don't get me wrong, I understand that this is part of life, but for once I would like to just have a quiet weekend, at home, where my phone isn't constantly going off from campaign and work calls. I got to walk in a parade with a congressional candidate, which is cool, but I have not been able to enjoy the beautiful days we've been having where I live, which has not helped my mood at all. To add to this, my boyfriend has challenged me to go a week without taking my anti-depressants. Ordinarily this would be a horrible idea, but if you challenge me to do something, I am damn well going to do it.
So today is the first day I have gone in four months without Sertraline, which is a generic for Zoloft, and I am already experiencing the withdrawals. I feel the anxiety that you feel when you fall constantly, and I am struggling not to revert to self-mutilation.So I'm not sure if this is really the best course of action, however I always overcome my challenges.
This isn't even my final form. I'm a reformed Catholic, who has rejected a strict religious upbringing, and now I'm trying my hand at starting a blog about the struggles of a guy, who's not quite like the other gays. I'm an openly gay man, a Freemason, and someone who enjoys the pleasures of life.
Monday, July 21, 2014
Saturday, July 19, 2014
I Have No Idea What I'm Doing
To most people, it seems like I have my life put nicely together. And I am proud to say they're right. My life is down to a perfect hum at this point. I have an awesome boyfriend, I work on a congressional campaign, I have a good job, I'm in school full time, and I'm a leading member in my fraternity. What people don't know is that nine times out of ten, I'm just playing it by ear. I used to have long term goals, like the 5 year plan, but as any adult knows, such plans rarely survive contact with the enemy. So instead of trying to plan my life out, I allowed myself to enjoy the smaller moments, and base major decisions off of minor facts.
But this comes with its drawbacks. I am doing all of that stuff on a daily basis, and I am weary and well nigh wore out. Plus, due to certain psychiatric anomalies, I don't pick up on social cues that are normal to everyone else. It makes for a riotous good time when I'm trying to discern what is going on in my boyfriend's head. Perhaps that is just the result of growing up in a freakishly tight-knit family.
But this comes with its drawbacks. I am doing all of that stuff on a daily basis, and I am weary and well nigh wore out. Plus, due to certain psychiatric anomalies, I don't pick up on social cues that are normal to everyone else. It makes for a riotous good time when I'm trying to discern what is going on in my boyfriend's head. Perhaps that is just the result of growing up in a freakishly tight-knit family.
Friday, July 18, 2014
Corollary
So you now know I was homeschooled. What a life that was. I started to understand that I was different from my brother and my posse (Yes. Posse) at church at a fairly young age. I finally came to terms with the fact that I am gay about three years ago. This was not easy for several reasons. I grew up in a religious household, I had strong convictions about god, and it did legitimately seem like an abomination. Regardless, I came to terms with it, and now I have a moderately content life. I still get stuck in my own head about it, and the numerous facets of being the black sheep of my family.
I have been single for five years. Mostly because my first relationship failed spectacularly. We got into a contest to see who would be the bigger ass, and I won. So I swore off any sort of intimacy, mostly because she went after the size of my wedding tackle. So I have, since then, been overwhelmingly self conscious about my dinky winky. Anyway, I just got into a relationship with a guy for the first time in my life, and unbeknownst to him, the blackness from the depths of my mind was already engulfing me. Fortunately I was able to talk it out, and things seem to be progressing nicely.
I have been single for five years. Mostly because my first relationship failed spectacularly. We got into a contest to see who would be the bigger ass, and I won. So I swore off any sort of intimacy, mostly because she went after the size of my wedding tackle. So I have, since then, been overwhelmingly self conscious about my dinky winky. Anyway, I just got into a relationship with a guy for the first time in my life, and unbeknownst to him, the blackness from the depths of my mind was already engulfing me. Fortunately I was able to talk it out, and things seem to be progressing nicely.
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Refreshing
What a whirlwind the last two years have been. I went from managing a law firm to being an administrative assistant to some little sycophant who was born without a spine. Don't misunderstand me, I'm glad to have a job, but having to pander to someone that is not qualified to hold any substantive position is the ultimate in degradation. But, regardless, I enjoy the job as it allows me to mentally check out over the course of the work day. Unfortunately, regardless of how much I enjoy exploring the outer reaches of my mind, it comes with it's own dangers.
I was homeschooled, so growing up in a very tightly knit family was incredibly nice. I used to watch the school kids go home, and wonder what it was like to be 'normal'. However, as I grew up, I realized that I had a unique opportunity to observe common social interactions objectively. It made me a little bit of a freak when I started in College, but we all have our crosses to bear.
I was homeschooled, so growing up in a very tightly knit family was incredibly nice. I used to watch the school kids go home, and wonder what it was like to be 'normal'. However, as I grew up, I realized that I had a unique opportunity to observe common social interactions objectively. It made me a little bit of a freak when I started in College, but we all have our crosses to bear.
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