Wednesday, November 9, 2016
Letters to My Ex Pt. 1
As part of my coping with the loss of my friend and lover, I'm going to publish a bunch of un-sent emails and letters. Here's the first.
I really hope you're doing well, and that you're happy. I miss you, more than usual today. It feels as though my heart has been ripped out, and I can barely breath. I miss Sunday mornings and late Fridays with you. I miss seeing you when I come home, and going on walks with you and Oscar. I miss the way you encouraged me when I was having a hard time with school, and I miss the way you would smile and laugh.
Most of all, I just miss you, with your unpredictability, craziness, kindness, and occasional ass hole-ishness. You were my rock, and I will forever live with the regret that I was a fool and didn't see it. I am so, so sorry that I didn't see it before this, and I am so so sorry that I caused you to be so depressed during our relationship. I... just really fucking miss you. You're getting back to being the person that I fell in love with, and that makes it so much harder, because I didn't realize how much I was changing you, and now I think of you staying up till all hours, drinking, laughing, and having a good time, and that is who I fell in love with.
If I could rewind time, I would. But I have to live with this now. I hope that we can someday be friends, but I know that we weren't good for each other, and we did our level best to destroy one another. I can't romanticize our relationship and forget the bad that happened, but I hope that you will someday find someone who hears your song. I do still love you very deeply.